How to Raise a Happy Child

Kuku and his dad is currently out of town to be with MIL who arrived from London. Although I terribly miss them already, I'm kind of relieved that I can have a few days to work on my deadlines, have a mom and daughter time with Zaby, and a time to pamper myself. Sometimes, time is never enough whenever Kuku is around. He is so attached to me that it gets so annoying sometimes and its distracting me from my work. He always crave for my attention. If I don't play or notice him, he gets cranky. He is always cranky and the only time he is not is when his sister plays with him or I have my full attention on him.

So since I have a time to surf for things I am interested in, I googled topics on parenting and child development. And one interesting article that caught my eye is the 6 Elements of Raising a Happy Child by Michael Grose, one of Australia's popular writer on parenting and family matters. I'm sharing it to you but I'm dividing it into 2 parts because I'm not into long text post. Here is the first part.

Build self-belief in your child

"Children’s self-esteem influences their social behaviour and learning,” says Grose. “Children with low self-esteem are less likely to step out of their comfort zone to extend themselves, take risks or try new experiences. Quite simply, if kids have a healthy level of esteem and feel good about themselves, they’re more likely to make friends and succeed at preschool and at school. “The way we interact with our kids on a daily basis infl uences the positive picture that they construct of themselves,” he says. “It’s important we let them know through our language and behaviour that they’re capable and worthwhile, then they’ll start to believe it. The messages we send influence the way kids see themselves as well as our relationship with them. Encourage your kids to do things for themselves and focus more on what they’re doing, rather than the result, to help them grow, develop and become self-confident.”

How to promote healthy self-esteem in your kids:

• Build on your child’s strengths and point out their areas of expertise.
• Give realistic responsibility. Develop self-help skills from an early age.
• Help to develop the courage to be imperfect; mistakes are part of learning.
• Help to develop the attitude that anything is possib
• Establish an achievement board or star chart.
• Look for small victories or achievements and celebrate them.
• Help children set goals and stick to them.
• Leave notes of appreciation under their pillow and in lunchboxes.
• Give objective feedback, but begin with a strength or positive point.
• Compare them only to themselves.

Create a sense of family community

“It’s important to build and maintain distinctive traditions that make each family special signify a child’s significance within his primary social group – his family,” says Grose. “Creating sense of community in your family and building traditions and rituals gives kids strong anchors back into family when they are older. “Rituals can be as simple as the way you habitually say to your child ‘I love you’ each day as he goes to school, or the way you always read their favourite book before they go to bed,” he says. “The permanence of these rituals give them much of their significance, they’re like ‘coat hooks upon which we hang our family memories’. Also try to focus more on what’s good for your family, rather than each individual family member, and start insisting that kids take an interest in each other, so the whole family benefits.”

How to develop rituals that bind your family together:

• Having regular family mealtimes is a simple but powerful ritual.
• Have a regular one-on-one activity that involves each child, something both of you can look forward to, such as a bedtime story or a weekly walk.
• Celebrate birthdays, Mother’s Day, Christmas or other religious festivals in your family’s own special way.
• Ask your children about the rituals, special occasions and celebrations that they most enjoy and let them contribute ideas on how to celebrate them.

Develop your child’s resilience and coping skills

“Resilience is important for kids to help them cope with life’s hardships, frustrations and difficulties [HFDs],” says Grose. “Developmental HFDs are those that children routinely experience, including loss, rejection, change, disappointment, failure, confl ict and fear. Dealing with these helps to build coping skills for the future. “One way to build coping skills is to not overprotect your child,” he says. “Life happens and things don’t always go our way. It’s important that kids learn this and learn how to keep their confi dence up. Parents can support their kids by focusing on how they’re feeling and letting them know it’s okay to feel this way. Then they should help them learn to manage it, deal with it and move on.”

How to promote resilience in children:

• Remind your kids that they don’t always get what they want.
• Be attentive to their particular situation and needs.
• Work hard to keep their confidence up and help them get on with life.
• Give kids plenty of opportunities to solve their own problems. Children will only develop their inner resources when given the opportunity to develop their resourcefulness.
• Expect your child to be helpful at home from a young age without being paid. That’s how they learn to be useful.
• Make sure your expectations for success are positive, realistic and based on each child’s interests and aptitudes rather than on adult wishes.
• Normalise the HFD situations so they understand that others also experience similar situations.
• Be a good role model by being a resilient adult rather than an adult who’s continually stressed and has no real life outside immediate family and work.
• Starting a hobby is a good place to begin if you feel that life is all work (and kids) and no fun.

Let's always remember these elements for the sake of our children's behaviour and for the sake of our sanity.